Intentional Conflict Resolution AC 15:30 The men were sent off and went down to Antioch, where they gathered the church together and delivered the letter. 31 The people read it and were glad for its encouraging message. 32 Judas and Silas, who themselves were prophets, said much to encourage and strengthen the brothers. 33 After spending some time there, they were sent off by the brothers with the blessing of peace to return to those who had sent them. 35 But Paul and Barnabas remained in Antioch, where they and many others taught and preached the word of the Lord. AC 15:36 Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, "Let us go back and visit the brothers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing." 37 Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, 38 but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. 39 They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, 40 but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. 41 He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches. AC 16:1 He came to Derbe and then to Lystra, where a disciple named Timothy lived, whose mother was a Jewess and a believer, but whose father was a Greek. 2 The brothers at Lystra and Iconium spoke well of him. 3 Paul wanted to take him along on the journey, so he circumcised him because of the Jews who lived in that area, for they all knew that his father was a Greek. 4 As they traveled from town to town, they delivered the decisions reached by the apostles and elders in Jerusalem for the people to obey. 5 So the churches were strengthened in the faith and grew daily in numbers. After the decision of the Jerusalem Council which you saw last week, the Gentiles were convinced that God had included them in His salvation plan. They saw that Christianity is really not a Jewish religion. God does not impose upon people external forms than what is really necessary. It is the heart that matters most to God. Christianity can therefore be embraced by every ethnic group without any problem. Often it is some church leaders that impose additional things on to people than what God had originally intended. The early missionaries not only brought the gospel to other lands with them but they also brought their culture. In one of the South Pacific islands, the people woulod go around bareback. These Caucasians thought that the only decent clothing is what we are used to wearing. Soon many of the islanders died of pneumonia. It so happened that the island was one where there is continuous intermittent rain and sun. As such we should abide by the rules set by the Jerusalem Council - why force our expectations on people - expectations which we ourselves would find difficult to fulfil. So, when news of the Jerusalem Council's decision reached Antioch, the people rejoiced. Some time later, Paul and Barnabas planned for a 2nd missions trip. The planning led to such a sharp argument between the two of them that they parted company. The argument involved John Mark. He had deserted them when they were in Pamphylia. What were the reasons? Why did he desert them? We note AC 13:13 From Paphos, Paul and his companions sailed to Perga in Pamphylia, where John left them to return to Jerusalem. There was no mention as to what John Mark's reason was for going back to Jerusalem. It is obvious however that Paul and Barnabas saw the reasons for John Mark from very different light. Paul being more of a task person thought that John was a weakling. Barnabas being more of people person thought that John Mark was worthwhile discipling. Many Christians when reading this incident of the sharp argument between Paul and Barnabas would often stand back in horror. They would say "Oh, how could you Paul act this way with your mentor - you are ungrateful for what he has done for you - success has gone into your head - we expect this type of behaviour in the corporate world - but the church - we don't expect behaviours such as this to be in the church - least of all from you, Paul, an apostle." Terrible Horrible. Your behaviour is yucks, Paul. What happens is Christians seem to have a certain form of expectation of the Church which goes beyond what God intends. That was the reason for the Jerusalem Council. Without understanding God and His principles, we are quick to criticize. I see from this episode some principles on Conflict resolutions which we should note. 1 Conflicts are Necessary And Are Healthy In this particular case, we see after the conflict that Barnabas took Barnabas as his mentoree whilst Paul took on Silas. But more than that. Notice that we had included the first portion of chapter 16 when reading the conclusion of chapter 15. This is for a good reason. Chapter and verse numbering in the Bible was not in the original writings. It was the Church that introduced it for easy referencing and discussion. So, we would have to read continuously if we are to capture the essence of the truth of what is written. The introduction of chapter 16 is very connected to the conclusion of chapter 15 for this reason. Whenever we read any verse in the Bible we have to look at the context. A text without considering the context is a con text. If we read the beginning of chapter 16, we would note another character by the name of Timothy being introduced. There are some positive gains arising from the conflict of Paul and Barnabas. Firstly, Paul may not have gone on to Lystra where he met Timothy had he not parted company with Barnabas. It is possible that he could have gone to Cyprus with his mentor. Secondly, the team would have then comprised Paul, Barnabas, John Mark and Silas - way too big for effective ministry. So, even if he had met Timothy, he may not have taken Timothy as his spiritual son. Thirdly, the separation of Paul and Barnabas led to the effective mentoring of both John Mark, Silas and Timothy. The Kingdom of God gains as a result. Fourthly, if not for the separation, only one city at a time would be reached and not two at the same time. More territory was covered within the same period of time as a result. Often conflicts lead to more being achieved for the glory of God. If everyone is afraid of conflicts we would all keep quiet and nothing would be achieved in the end. A good idea may lie undiscovered because the person who owns it may remain silent. The fact that the planets revolved around the sun was only declared after Copernicus had died. He wrote a brief treatise outlining his theory as early as 1514 and circulated it privately to a few close friends, but finished his complete book and agreed to its publication only in 1543 shortly before his death. The book, "On the Revolution of the Heavenly Spheres" (De Revolutionibus Orbium Coelestium), did not overturn the geocentric system overnight. The idea was so revolutionary that he did not dare to face the conflicts that would have arisen. What if he did not agree to the publication of his book? When then would the idea that the earth is not the centre of the universe be overturned. We would have to be bold to speak up - be assertive and speak up. If God allows for a conflict to take place within His church, it is often with good reasons. This was evident in the case of the quarrel between Paul and Barnabas. 2 Conflicts Must Be Handled Properly Whilst conflicts are necessary and are healthy, improper handling of conflicts can be totally destructive. When we speak up we must do so with love. There is no mention of how Paul and Barnabas parted company. However if we read Paul's emails (I mean epistles) sent at a later date we would note that he had a high regard for John Mark. His high regard of John Mark was an acknowledgement that his mentor, Barnabas had done a good job with this faithful servant of God as well. There was no traces of ill feelings between the two parties. Handling conflicts is not just avoidance. It is not sweeping things under the carpet and pretending that nothing ever happened. I am currently giving consultation to a church. Their former pastor handed the church over to the new pastor about two years ago. The recent NCD conducted shows Loving Relationship as the 2nd lowest factor - fairly close to their Minimum Factor which is Need Oriented Evangelism. Just two weeks ago I was in consultation with the leadership team. They were talking about the unhealthy practices inherited from the past. In the church, children can literally run around and do anything they want. The previous pastor would use avoidance to handle conflicts. Don't talk about it. Don't bring it up. Just ignore it. Hopefully the problem would go away. So, the Children workers would not correct the children in case parents become offended. No church leaders would correct the children either. No one spoke to anyone else about the offences caused by another person. They pretended as though everything was going on just fine. It was not fine at all. Family after family began to leave the church over the last ten years. The previous Senior Pastor just continued and try to manage the church as though it was such a wonderful church. That was the image given to everyone on the outside. Inside it was rotten to the core because there was a whole host of other problems. Almost like white-washed tombs. Good to look at but on the inside dead man's bones. God had to remove that Senior Pastor. He had some heart problems. It became so bad that he had to step down and the church was handed over to this new pastor to handle and the mess cleaned up. Amazingly after handing over the church, the previous pastor seems to be alright in his health now. God has a way with things, doesn't He? Avoiding conflicts is certainly not a good way of conflict resolution in many cases. But many people think that we need the soft approach to all things. We should not cane children in case they die through the process - is that what the Bible says? PR 23:13 Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. PR 29:15 The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother. All of us in church in a way are responsible for all the children in the church. We are their spiritual uncles and aunties. When a case warrants a child to be corrected we as uncles and aunties should indeed take the step to do so. Sweeping things under the carper and pretending that nothing happens is certainly not good for the child and the church as a whole. There are some people who hold on to peculiar perspective of issues. For example, there are some who looks at love from a lop-sided view and say "I must be treated with the warm fuzzy type of love." Such people get into conflicts more than others. The Biblical concept of true love is that it is grace, truth and justice. It is both tender and tough; sweet and bitter, warm and cold - true love acts with the best interest of the other person in mind no matter how difficult the situation may be. Conflicts arises from differences and disagreements. since no one has a perfect view of issues we must be tolerant of each other's views. What makes us so sure that our views are correct unless we compare them against what the Bible has to say. The only perfect view of any issue is that from the Bible. A proper understanding of the Bible will help us in a proper understanding of various issues of life. Trouble is that not all of us have an equal understanding of the Bible. As such there will be disagreements from time to time about various things. When this happens we should always allow the Bible to be the standard for compromise of issues. Mastering Conflict and Controversy, Edward G. Dobson, Speed B. Leas, Marshall Shelley, (Portland: Multnomah Press, 1992), pp. 43-44 Conflict Management Fair Conflict Management includes: " Dealing with one issue at a time, " If more than one issue is presented, agreeing on the order in which the issues will be addressed, " Exploring all the dimensions of the problem(s), " Exploring several alternative solutions to the problem(s). If any party is uncomfortable with the forum in which the conflict is raised, it is legitimate to request and discuss what the most appropriate forum might be. Inappropriate behavior in conflict includes, but is not limited to: " Name calling, " Mind reading (attributing evil motives to others), " Inducing guilt ("Look how you've made me feel"), " Rejecting, deprecating, or discrediting another person, " Using information from confidential sources or indicating that such information exists. Conclusion The church is a community. It is a gathering of people. Where you have people, you will have conflicts. We should however look at conflicts positively. They are needed and are healthy provided that they are properly handled. In a church, there should never be ill feelings between any party. The church is the Image of God. Just imagine if there is tension between God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. God the Father : wipe out that guy - I can't stand him God the Son: you can't do that - I died for him God the Holy Spirit - when can I move on him? It is absurd - we never think of God that way. He is always one. Well, He expects the church to be as well. One in the Spirit. One in purpose. We may be diverse but we are one. We may disagree in the minutes but we love one another and we will agree on the major - the purpose and will of God. Today, are you feeling anger towards anyone? Are there unresolved conflicts in your heart? Harbouring them is harmful to you - not to the other person - you have to allow God to help you - so that joy can come into your hearts

Close This Window